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The Reason...

Why I love God so much

It should be a given--why I love God so much--because he first loved me, but there is so much more... first off he died for us, took our shame and everything else to the cross--that's the obvious and the most important...

Most of us have stories--some good, some bad, and others a mixture of everything... I have some--but will only tell a few. When I was young, there were a few things that happened to me that I dare not tell anyone--God knows and he has taken it from me.--giving me peace.. But I will tell you this-- As an unborn baby, I nearly died--or was supposed to have serious complications--so mom had to get cut open because of me--sorry mom! But I nearly died, then I remember when I was about 3 or so I nearly died by drowning in my grandma's pool--well I didn't drown or else I would be dead, but I was in serious condition with water in my lungs and I was blue like the sky. I was rushed to the hospital when my brother was being born. Then when I was older I got hit by a car--I know, bad luck! That's what I always thought of myself--was the one with the bad luck. But when I was young people would say that I may not have another chance...

But my mom always told me, "Son, God has a plan for you"--and that meant a lot to hear that--because she was right... But when I got into elementary school, that's when things got bad for me mentally. I was bullied a lot --I was an easy target because of me being terribly shy and quiet--nearly mute in the presence of people. It got to the point where I began to hate myself... I walked home from the bus, sometimes crying and going straight to my room--there was many times when I would cry myself to sleep at night... I hated school and began to have this terrifying feeling in me when I had to get in front of people or talk out loud. When I got to jr. high--I absolutely hated it. It was the same situation but worse because kids can be really mean... I didn't have too many friends and I was really anxious and insecure in front of people ( I still get that way today and I am an adult). At that point in my life, I really hated myself ( my personality, the way I looked--everything about myself) In high school it was a little different--I lost a lot of weight and came out of my shell. (But I still got depressed). I did stupid things that endangered my life like riding in cars with drunk kids and got hit by an eighteen wheeler on the interstate--or racing in cars with more drunk and high kids. During that time and all those other times when I was young--God always let me know that He loved me and that he was with me. He let me know by people's words, by reading things--or just feeling it in my heart... (I now understand that "still small voice"--is God).

But after high school I really fell away from God and got into a lot of things--I became a fool and really only began to care for myself. I got depressed, darkened, angry at myself, felt alone, and fell into the world. I got associated with things not of God (and had a few attacks by Satan--which scared me to death--and that allowed me to live in fear a few years after that.) I got so depressed that I only cared to get drunk or high--and even began to think of suicide on different occasions.... Because I always hated myself. (Just remember when your guard is down and you are deep in the valley--the devil will attack--But God will never neglect you--never) But to me now--its all just beautiful history...

God has blessed me with a beautiful wife, wonderful son, food in our stomachs, money in out pockets, cloths on our backs and a roof over our heads... And now God has opened doors for me... My point is that God has always been with me and still is. I have always been considered a christian--but haven't felt a "real" relationship with God until about 2 years ago. I have given my whole heart to God and put God first in my life and I am now 29. The best way to describe it is "Loving God with all of your heart, mind and soul" . Ever since then everything good has happened for me and my family and God has opened great doors for me to use the talents he has gifted me to use for Him. God really has a plan for me and I believe it is to use my talent in the arts to illustrate books and to write books that share his word and to share my stories to help other people.

I thank God and talk to him everyday. I read my Bible almost every night and listen to music that uplifts him. It's like a blindfold has literally been lifted from my eyes and I see things differently and think differently. I love Jesus so much and feel his love all the time. I have devotion time with him and just praise him and I would literal y feel his presence--it would be so overwhelming that sometimes I could just cry. When I was younger I had no interest in the bible or christian music--but now its like I crave it. That's what I mean by opening your eyes--you crave God. All in all i don't know who would read this, but if one does--I hope it blesses you.

This is why I love God--because he first loved me and died for me--and has changed my life. I know for sure if I did not have God in my life right now I would be totally different--for the worse...

Thank you Jesus for everything!!!

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